The greatest calling

The Rolling Stones really knew what they were talking about when they said, "I can't get no satisfaction, 'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try..." I feel like in America, that is the definition of life. We are never, EVER satisfied in life! We always need the next big thing, whether it be some cool technological advancement, job promotion, or relationship -- we never have enough where we are. Lately this has been my life.

But I'll get back to that in a minute.

I am not in school right now. I don't have a career, or even a full time job. I have no idea what I am doing next semester. I feel like my life has no direction and like I am disappointing my family; I have been given so many opportunities and I am not producing the expected results with my life. All of this has given me a lot of shame to carry around lately. I have been feeling stuck. It's not that I'm not trying, I'm applying to every school and hospital in DFW, just without success.

God, why aren't You helping me move forward? Are You holding me back? Why are you making me wait? What doors have I forgotten to knock on? What even is the point of my life?

So I started grasping, trying to fix myself. Maybe if I just quit my life and go be a missionary... Maybe if I join the Air Force... Maybe if I...

So much self reliance. So little direction. So much uncertainty. So little trust. So much impatience. So little hope. So much worry.

What is worry? Well, I had that answered for me very well last night by Chelsea Seaton at a Pink Impact conference at Gateway church -- I'm so glad I took notes! So here are her thoughts on worry:

1. Worry is not fear. Fear is something that will happen, worry is something that might happen. Worry is full of "What if..."

2. Worry is deceptive. Worry makes us feel like we are in control, or like we are the ones who have to fix it. We need to trust the Lord and give Him our worries!

3. Worry is worship. When you spend all of your time worrying "What if...," that is ascribing greater worth to the thing you are worrying about than you give to God.

Matthew 6:24-33

‘No one can serve two masters; for a slave will either hate the one and love the other, or be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth. Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, “What will we eat?” or “What will we drink?” or “What will we wear?” For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.'

Worry is saying God will not provide. Worry is saying, God whatever You have for me isn't good enough; whatever You have for me is not satisfying.

So, while I was at this conference, there was a ton of worship. I love worship. Music is totally my heart language. But, I just couldn't get into it last night. The band was great. The setting was beautiful. The lights were flashy. I sat down during the worship set and just prayed for the Lord to help me worship Him and just focus on Him. I started thinking about my worship experiences in Cambodia, easily the best of my life. The band wasn't always perfectly on key. There wasn't any fancy lighting or technology. There was nothing to attract you to it. Nothing, except Jesus.

(I promise I am going to get back to my original story! Stick with me!)

It got me thinking, the American church just isn't as easily satisfied. We want Jesus, plus flashy lights and great sound. (Disclaimer: I'm not trying to hate on having a great band, and I think that those are great tools to draw new people into a worship setting. I am just noting that having a great band isn't what allows us to worship Jesus.) How many of the people at the conference would have had their hands raised in worship at the worship service I experienced in Cambodia? Are we really satisfied with just Jesus, or do we need Jesus plus something else?

In the middle of that thought process, the Lord spoke to me: Jenn, that is what your life is saying to Me. You are spending so much time worrying about what direction your life is going in, or what giant calling you are going to get to live out, that you are missing the greatest calling. I made you to glorify Me; that is your purpose. 

It makes me think of Anna, who is a New Testament prophetess that most people probably either haven't heard of or don't remember. You can find her in Luke 2:36-38.

"And there was a prophetess, Anna, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was advanced in years, having lived with her husband seven years from when she was a virgin, and then as a widow until she was eighty-four. She did not depart from the temple, worshiping with fasting and prayer night and day. And coming up at that very hour she began to give thanks to God and to speak of him to all who were waiting for the redemption of Jerusalem."

For the vast majority of her life, Anna fasted and prayed night and day in the temple. That was her life. That was her calling. She spent her life, not in the mission field turning millions of people to the Lord nor working at some important job. She spent her life glorifying God, and she was satisfied in that. She had, like all believers now have, the greatest calling of all -- giving glory to God.

The Lord spoke to me: Your life is not about being a missionary, or having a great job or college degree (although those are all good things); your life is about Me and My glory.

Am I satisfied in that? Am I satisfied to have Jesus and nothing else? I heard a quote on the radio last summer, "To have God and everything is no more than to have God an nothing." Do I believe that? I have spent so much time reflecting on Christ's promise of abundant and full life in John 10:10. Do I really believe that the life He has to offer me is more satisfying than what I have to offer myself?

Do you?